Life, Liberty And Low Green Fees

by Jack VanNoord

She was wrong.  I just knew it.  My friend Libby should have paid closer attention in high school civics class.  It all started when she heard that the Dundee Park District is toying with the idea of expanding Randall Oaks Golf Course to 27 holes.  She wouldn’t believe me when I told her that golf is mentioned in the Declaration of Independence.   Boy was she surprised, when I dusted off my copy of the Declaration and there it was: “We hold these Truths to be self-evident, that all men . . . are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and Low Green Fees.” 

That sent her reeling.  Who can possibly argue with Thomas Jefferson?  Previously, she had been rambling on about the limited, legitimate functions of governments.  Poor, misguided Libby, she thought that the notion of limited government actually meant that “we limit the role of government.” 

“We have to have government,” I said. 

“Of course we have to have government.  Nobody is arguing that,” she responded.  “We must have courts and police and a military.  But the role of government is to provide a framework within which law-abiding people can peacefully pursue their goals--such as building and using golf courses.  Government --including local government-- shouldn’t try to do everything and provide everything .” 

“Ah, yes,” I agreed “But there are some things that government must do, because if government doesn’t do them, then they won’t get done.” 

“For example?” 

“Building highways,” I offered.  

“Maybe,” Libby conceded. “But building golf courses?  That is exactly the kind of thing that government DOESN’T need to be doing.  If government will stay out of the way, people like you and I are perfectly capable of providing golf courses.  It’s called the private sector.” 

“Fair enough,” I said.  “But then you would be asking all the gracious golfers of Dundee to incur the actual, full cost of their golf.  Why on earth should they agree to that when they can have their golf subsidized by the rest of the tax payers?” 

“Explain to me why the non-golfers of Dundee should be paying for golf courses and a golf course expansion they will never use?” she asked. 

“Well, golf is not the only thing that our local government has ventured into.  For all those non-golfers they also offer karate lessons, swimming pools and hay rides,”  I pointed out. 

“But what about those residents who don’t like to do any of those things.  What about the guy who likes to spend his recreational time and dollars on fishing or skydiving or bowling?” 

“Now you want the Dundee Park District to start offering skydiving?”  Boy, she was just making less and less sense as the conversation went on. 

“No.  I don’t want them to be involved in any of it.  Hay rides, golf course, karate lessons; these are all things that the private sector is perfectly capable of providing.  Eliminate the park district and park district taxes.  Let everyone keep their entertainment dollars and spend them as they see fit.  Okay, maybe the government has to be involved in some things because the private sector won’t pick up the slack.  But, golf courses?  Geez Louise.” 

She had a good point. But just when she thought she had me in a corner, I played my trump card.  That’s when I whipped out my copy of Tommy J’s famous document and showed her that subsidized green fees are in fact an inalienable right --endowed by our Creator none-the-less.  Ah , the beauty of government. 

Poor, misguided Libby.  When will she ever learn?  Next thing you know, she’ll be arguing that having taxpayers subsidize NASA so that mega-corporations can get their satellites in orbit at a discount is a bad idea.

09-20-2000

Written by Jack VanNoord - West Dundee.