Eminent Domain

by Jack VanNoord

Disclaimer:  The Village of Barrington wants to use Quick Take eminent domain to take possession of several acres of prime downtown real estate.  They don’t want to widen a road or build a much-needed bridge.  Rather, they want to transfer the property from one private individual to another in order to have the property developed according to the will of the village board.  Of course, any similarity between the board’s actions  and the following is purely coincidental.  

Advisor:  But, Sire....

King:  But what?  I am King and  I want it.  Which part of that is so hard to understand?

Advisor:  Sire.  You’re talking about people’s shops and businesses.  This is how they make their livelihood.  I think that it’s ill-advised to....

King: Do I not rule this land?  Do I not possess power and authority?

Advisor:  Yes.  But you...

King:  Then stop this nonsense and let me rule the lives of my people.  Do you actually  think that the people know how to use the land better than I, their King? 

Advisor:  No, of course not.  None-the-less, it is their land and maybe....

King:  ‘Their land.’  That’s a good one! You make me laugh so! 

Advisor:  But they’ve paid for it.  They hold the deeds....

Kings:  Deeds, Schmeeds.  I am King and this is my kingdom.  It ALL belongs to me.  It is by my good grace that I allow them to remain on it at all. 

Advisor:  But you have always lead them to believe that...

King: ...that the land to which they hold a deed belongs to them?  Sure I have.  The people work harder and take better care of my property if they believe it belongs to them. 

Advisor:  Yes, but....

King:  Look.  I charge them exorbitant rent

--er, I mean “property taxes.”  I lay claim to whatever I want, whenever I want.  Sounds pretty much like it belongs to me, don’t you think?

Advisor:  You are correct, Sire.  Of course, it all belongs to you.  So what do I tell the land owners --um, I mean-- squatters?

King:  That you have been sent by the King and the King thanks them kindly for removing themselves from the King’s land.

Advisor:  Very well, Your Majesty. 

King: Inform them that --naturally-- they will be paid for their land.  I’m not a beast you know.

Advisor:  How much, Sire?

King:  “How much” what?

Advisor:  How much are you going to compensate them?

King:  However much I deem appropriate, of course.

Advisor:  Should I offer them some of our men to assist them in their relocation? 

King:  That won’t be necessary. Now go. Make it so!

Advisor:  Um, Sire...one more thing....

King:  What is it now?

Advisor: What if they refuse to leave?

King:  Why would they refuse to leave?  Surely, they realize that their King knows what is best for them.

Advisor:  Like I said Sire, you’ve allowed them to believe that the land is theirs.

King:  Well then, if they refuse to leave, fine them.

Advisor: And if they refuse to pay the fine?

King: Then imprison them.

Advisor: You’re willing to imprison your royal subjects over this?

King:  If that’s what it takes.  I am King.  They’ve got it.  I want it.

Advisor:  I just think that....

King: My incompetent little man.  Let’s be proactive about all this.  Bring to me the people in question.  I will explain to them that the King requires what they possess.

Advisor:  Yes Sire.  I’ll make the arrangements right away.

King: Oh, and when you bring my royal subjects to me, have them express their gratitude for being allowed to live on my lands for as long as they have.

Advisor:  Shall I have them kneel and kiss your ring as well?

King:  But of course.  After all, I am King.

02-22-2001

Written by Jack VanNoord - West Dundee.